#2 – More Than Words – Extreme
Original Release Year – 1990 (me aged 14)
Where to begin with this one? This is one of those songs I wish I’d written. I remember hearing this for the first time and finding it a bit cheesy, but then I heard it again. And again. I’m guessing there was a lot of hormonal changes going on at the time, but the acoustic guitar and the cracking harmonies just hit the sweet spot for me. I do recall it was one of the first cassette singles I ever bought, with a B side called “Nice Place To Visit” which was very rocky, not what I expected at all.
With no internet or satellite to guide as to what this band were like other than this song, I had to go by instinct and buy the album: “Pornograffiti”. I suppose the title should have given me a clue as to what the rest of the album would be like, but I was surprised to find funk, acoustic, jazz and metal all on the same album. But for me this is still the stand out track, it’s a karaoke favourite, I’ve sung it countless times and made friends cry (I think because they liked it), and it brings out the soppy romantic in me.
Wednesday 16 December 2009
Sunday 6 December 2009
My Blood Runs Cold, My Memory Has Just Been Sold. #3
#3 – Centrefold – J Geils Band
Original Release Year – 1983 (me aged 7)
The video is great but embedding is forbidden, so come find it here
Original Release Year – 1983 (me aged 7)
Very bizarre that a song about a college girl turned soft porn star should grab my attention at the age of 7, but then there’s no accounting for taste at that age. I didn’t possess the record itself, so the only place I could have seen it was on Top Of The Pops. In fact pretty much all my early musical upbringing came through that one show. What sticks in my mind is Peter Wolf climbing all over classroom chairs, something that must have seemed very appealing at that age. Having just watched the video again, I have no recollection at all of the women in lingerie.
I’m not sure why this was a particular purple patch for my musical education, but I have a fond memory for contemporary tracks like “Abracadabra” by the Steve Miller Band and “I Love Rock N Roll” by Joan Jett. But “Centrefold” is all the more strange as the J Geils Band pretty much vanished without trace in the UK. Maybe it's because all songs with whistling in are cool. It was all the more surprising to come across it on a CD entitled “Let’s Rock! With Smashey and Nicey” in an Asda in Scotland (opening line “Pop-a-doodle-doo gherkins, Mad Mike Smash here”. I don’t remember being so chuffed to find a song on a CD in my life.
The video is great but embedding is forbidden, so come find it here
Monday 30 November 2009
Sweet Music To My Ears - #5 and #4
#5 Under The Moon Of Love – Showaddywaddy
Original Release Year – 1976 (me not quite 1)
#4 – Radiation Vibe – Fountains Of Wayne
Original Release Year – 1996 (me aged 20)
Original Release Year – 1976 (me not quite 1)
How the hell a band like Showaddywaddy ended up on my radar, lord only knows. Needless to say I don’t remember the original release, but I can tell you is that it was the first gig I ever saw: Showaddywaddy at the Civic Hall in Wolverhampton. I’ll hazard a guess that I was about 5 or 6 at the time and all I can remember is having my hands over my ears a lot, and not liking the stroboscope one bit. Aside from the multi-coloured suits and the big shades, I was drawn to the fact that there were two drummers, one of whom is called Romeo (father of an Olympic high jumper by the way)
But this wasn’t a fad, I still have a greatest hits CD in my collection, and I still enjoy the occasional boogie along. God it’s sad, but it’s such a good tune, it’d be a shame to allow it to disappear. It’s OK to like a song with a saxophone solo – isn’t it?
#4 – Radiation Vibe – Fountains Of Wayne
Original Release Year – 1996 (me aged 20)
Now if you're still with me, despite the hip-hop, the prog rock and, ahem, the teddy boys, we begin to hit the dizzy heights.
Depending on the kind of music you like, Fountains Of Wayne are either in the epicentre, or off the radar. They epitomise the way that great American writers take Great British influences, and they are probably best known for the single “Stacy’s Mom”. But my association with them goes back to the beginning. I was at university when I first heard “Radiation Vibe”. I’m pretty sure it would have been courtesy of Steve Lamacq or whoever was running the Evening Session in those days, and I was just hooked on the perfection of the song, the great lyrics, “I went to Pittsburgh, and joined a pro team, talk about a bad dream, I broke a knee”.
By good fortune, they were playing The Varsity in Wolverhampton (capacity 200), and I’ve never been to a more up close and personal gig in my life. I left there that night, completely hooked, and went to my local independent music store the next day to seek out the eponymous album. By more good fortune, they had just one copy, and the lady was most distressed that she would have to hand it over to a member of the public. It’s been a favourite ever since.
Sunday 29 November 2009
I Say... Thank You For The Music #8 - #7 - #6
#8 Basket Case – Green Day
Original Release Year – 1994 (me aged 18)
Original Release Year – 1994 (me aged 18)
For starters I can’t believe this track is 15 years old. This was back in the day when Green Day still passed (to a degree) as a punk act, and this was their breakthrough track. I came across thanks to its major airplay on MTV, which in those days played music and was presented by Davina McCall and Cat Deeley. The video, set in a lunatic asylum was bright, brash and loud. Like the song in fact, which is a perfect 3 minutes long.
The Pachabel’s Canon chord sequence is always a winner for me, but this took it to a whole new level, and it peaked for me when I saw the band live at the Wulfrun Hall in Wolverhampton. Aside from the awesome tunes, I couldn’t believe how many songs they got through that night (I’d never been to a “punk” gig, where some songs are only a minute and a half long), and I came away blown away by the whole experience. I’m so pleased I saw them then, and not now.
#7 Concrete Schoolyard – Jurassic 5
Original Release Year – 1998 (me aged 22)
Well, if you know me, you can see I’m clearly a west coast hip-hop fan. My middle name is B-Boy. Sort of. I can take or leave most rap and hip-hop tunes, particularly the gangsta stuff produced by 2Pac and B.I.G, but Jurassic 5 blew through like fresh air for me in the late 90s. “Original beats with real life MC’s”.
There is a beautiful synergy between the 4 MC’s (my favourite the basso profundo of Chali 2na), and at the time it reminded me a lot of “A Tribe Called Quest”. The background riff (taken from an old Ike Turner track) is pure summer, and the vibe is “feel the beats, hear the words, hum the tune”, something I think hip-hop should make more of. This single from 1998 inspired me to buy not just one, but three albums from this now defunct outfit.
#6 If I had $1,000,000 – Barenaked Ladies
Original Release Year – 1993 (me aged 18)
I am so pleased I discovered Barenaked Ladies when I did, and this is the song that did the trick. Thanks to a guy on my corridor at University called Sam Smith, who would play this song as part of his acoustic routines in the bar, I learnt this song pretty quickly. Being the creation of an oddball Canadian band, its lyrics are surreal, ludicrous and infectious; “If I had a million dollars, we wouldn’t have to walk to the store, if I had a million dollars, we’d take a limousine cos it costs more”.
Aside from some of the silliest lyrics in memory, it is a song that is easy to learn and play, and is a song that my brother and I played at our sister’s wedding. The live versions are never the same twice, as halfway through the vocalists will go off covering goodness knows what.
Wednesday 25 November 2009
Music Makes The People Come Together... Yeah. - In at Number Nine:
#9 All You Good Good People – Embrace
Original Release Year – 1997 (me aged 21)
The Golden Era. The Student Years. Back when tuition was free, beer was cheap and Things Could Only Get Better™.
There was a period where BritPop was where it was at, which began for me at school in 1993, when I started buying Select Magazine. This was on the frontline of BritPop, with the famous front cover of Suede’s Brett Anderson next to the line “Yanks Go Home!” Back then I didn’t think much of Suede, but I did like the compilation tapes and CDs, and the fold out posters. Eventually the whole genre was polarised between those who liked Oasis, and those who liked Blur. I went to school and university in the Midlands, so it was OK for me to like both.
Mercifully I began to shun the cheesy pop and dive deeper into “indie”. Club Shine at the Student Union, renamed “Club Shite” by friends, was a weekly release, a chance to mosh with friends to One To Another by The Charlatans (I have a friend called Jen that I haven’t seen in ten years who will always be my spiderwoman).
In amongst all this appeared Embrace, who claimed to be better than Oasis, a crafty move at antagonising the Gallagher brothers. The McNamara brothers were hardly likely to set the world alight, but I remember hearing this wall of sound for the first time and being blown away. The very idea of having a full-blown orchestra on a debut album seemed bonkers to me.
All You Good Good People originally came out on vinyl, 500 copies that were snapped up instantly, and was so significant to the band that it was re-released, then remixed for the album, then re-recorded at Abbey Road. From the opening timpani roll to the epic climax, I couldn’t get enough of this track, and even now the pulse gets going when I hear it.
Original Release Year – 1997 (me aged 21)
The Golden Era. The Student Years. Back when tuition was free, beer was cheap and Things Could Only Get Better™.
There was a period where BritPop was where it was at, which began for me at school in 1993, when I started buying Select Magazine. This was on the frontline of BritPop, with the famous front cover of Suede’s Brett Anderson next to the line “Yanks Go Home!” Back then I didn’t think much of Suede, but I did like the compilation tapes and CDs, and the fold out posters. Eventually the whole genre was polarised between those who liked Oasis, and those who liked Blur. I went to school and university in the Midlands, so it was OK for me to like both.
Mercifully I began to shun the cheesy pop and dive deeper into “indie”. Club Shine at the Student Union, renamed “Club Shite” by friends, was a weekly release, a chance to mosh with friends to One To Another by The Charlatans (I have a friend called Jen that I haven’t seen in ten years who will always be my spiderwoman).
In amongst all this appeared Embrace, who claimed to be better than Oasis, a crafty move at antagonising the Gallagher brothers. The McNamara brothers were hardly likely to set the world alight, but I remember hearing this wall of sound for the first time and being blown away. The very idea of having a full-blown orchestra on a debut album seemed bonkers to me.
All You Good Good People originally came out on vinyl, 500 copies that were snapped up instantly, and was so significant to the band that it was re-released, then remixed for the album, then re-recorded at Abbey Road. From the opening timpani roll to the epic climax, I couldn’t get enough of this track, and even now the pulse gets going when I hear it.
Tuesday 24 November 2009
Dial M For Music - The Top Ten
#10 The Sound Of Muzak - Porcupine Tree
Original Release Year – 2002 (me aged 27)
The top ten opens with an album track from a slightly obscure Prog Rock band, but stick with me on this. This is track (and band) that I am thankful to my brother for introducing me to. I’ll leave you to do your own research, but this is just one epic from the early 2000s era that I am most fond of.
That the song is based in a 7/8 tempo is testament to the strength of the tune and the lyrics “Music of rebellion makes you wanna rage, but it’s made by millionaires who are nearly twice your age”. There is everything in there – amazing drums, glorious harmonies and a kick-ass guitar solo.
Here for your convenience is a live recording. I love how Colin Edwin on bass is just so pleased to be there, and how the crowd really are there to listen!
Original Release Year – 2002 (me aged 27)
The top ten opens with an album track from a slightly obscure Prog Rock band, but stick with me on this. This is track (and band) that I am thankful to my brother for introducing me to. I’ll leave you to do your own research, but this is just one epic from the early 2000s era that I am most fond of.
That the song is based in a 7/8 tempo is testament to the strength of the tune and the lyrics “Music of rebellion makes you wanna rage, but it’s made by millionaires who are nearly twice your age”. There is everything in there – amazing drums, glorious harmonies and a kick-ass guitar solo.
Here for your convenience is a live recording. I love how Colin Edwin on bass is just so pleased to be there, and how the crowd really are there to listen!
If you approve of the choice, I encourage you to seek out In Absentia.
Monday 23 November 2009
M is For Music
So here’s the thing. It’s one thing to have a full selection of your favourite songs in mind. But just because they are your favourite, does that mean you always listen to them?
I have a plug in on iTunes called Last.Fm, which tracks every song I play and collates that on a website, where I can see which songs I listen to most. Looking on there now, there are two lists that are interesting: the most popular artists and the most popular songs.
Most popular song: Elliot’s Song – J A Marczak.
Blood runs thicker than water, it’s true. Whilst I take no credit for my brother becoming the artist he has become, I take great pride in all the music he creates, and this data proves it. In the last 12 months I’ve listened to the track more than 20 times, and that’s just the plays that have been picked up. It’s a wonderfully evocative song, completely self-produced, with one of the best guitar solos I’ve ever heard. And you can hear it here.
Most Popular Artist - Athlete.
Sometimes the system gets it wrong. Athlete are not my favourite band, probably not even my second favourite, but every so often the statistics get skewed. Like the time we went on holiday to Canada, and my daughter would only go to bed if I put “Tourist” on repeat at bed time.
So there you have it. In fact 6 Athlete tracks feature in my top ten most played. For such a music fan as myself, it’s a comfort that much of the music that I enjoy so much is yet to reach the mainstream. Top of the list is “Can’t Stand The Rain” by The Rescues. This is a track I came across on thesixtyone, and have been hooked on ever since. A band that produces what my brother would describe as “Scrubs Music”, this California foursome appear to have everything in their locker, apart from a CD that I can actually buy. But you can find their music here.
I have a plug in on iTunes called Last.Fm, which tracks every song I play and collates that on a website, where I can see which songs I listen to most. Looking on there now, there are two lists that are interesting: the most popular artists and the most popular songs.
Most popular song: Elliot’s Song – J A Marczak.
Blood runs thicker than water, it’s true. Whilst I take no credit for my brother becoming the artist he has become, I take great pride in all the music he creates, and this data proves it. In the last 12 months I’ve listened to the track more than 20 times, and that’s just the plays that have been picked up. It’s a wonderfully evocative song, completely self-produced, with one of the best guitar solos I’ve ever heard. And you can hear it here.
Most Popular Artist - Athlete.
Sometimes the system gets it wrong. Athlete are not my favourite band, probably not even my second favourite, but every so often the statistics get skewed. Like the time we went on holiday to Canada, and my daughter would only go to bed if I put “Tourist” on repeat at bed time.
So there you have it. In fact 6 Athlete tracks feature in my top ten most played. For such a music fan as myself, it’s a comfort that much of the music that I enjoy so much is yet to reach the mainstream. Top of the list is “Can’t Stand The Rain” by The Rescues. This is a track I came across on thesixtyone, and have been hooked on ever since. A band that produces what my brother would describe as “Scrubs Music”, this California foursome appear to have everything in their locker, apart from a CD that I can actually buy. But you can find their music here.
Friday 20 November 2009
Music Made Me
I am reaching 34, which I’m reliably informed is my mid-30s.
I sense an attack of the “Hornbys” coming on. And rather than a sudden passion for miniature railway resurfacing like some cross between a garden shed nerd and a Top Gear presenter, it’s more a need to work out where life is taking me, where it all went right, and where it all went wrong. And it will involve lists at some point.
I am a strong believer that music is integral to people’s lives and personalities. You don’t need to be musical to enjoy music. Truth be told, I always wanted to be a recording artist, but my singing voice holds no great distinction. I come from a musical family, but perhaps I lack the application to take it seriously. What got me thinking this way, and eventually writing, was a combination of two publications by Nick Hornby, that great stalwart of mid-life crisis lad-lit. “31 Songs” is a record of, well, 31 songs that have shaped his life thus far, whilst “High Fidelity” followed a man through all his ex-girlfriends, interrupted by mix-tapes and Top 5 lists.
“What is your favourite song of all time?”
You hear a song on the radio and you say “oh, this is one of my all time favourite songs”.
Is it possible to have a favourite song? Or is that just something you say when you hear a song from your youth, which you remember liking, and it brings back happy memories?
I have a favourite song of all time. In fact, I have a favourite top ten of all time. The top three hasn’t changed in almost 20 years. I wrote it down once as a point of reference, and I came across it recently, surprised to learn that the order really hadn’t changed.
The digital age has made if far easier to track my listening habits. I listen to a lot of music both online and on my MP3 player. Sites like last.fm have a vast library of online music. They record your listening habits and make suggestions accordingly, while MP3 players will store information about how many times I listen to a song.
So is there any relationship between my favourite songs and what I actually listen to? In what way have those songs created the world-weary beast that stares back from the mirror every morning?
Over the next few days, I shall tell you, (for I’m sure someone reads this) about my All Time Top Ten. You can then listen to the tracks yourself, as I’m sure I’ll be able to find them on YouTube somewhere. Definitely no Celine Dion in there, though you’d be surprised how much Mariah Carey and Dina Carroll is in my back catalogue.
Monday 9 November 2009
The Why Factor?
I'm so glad I don't watch X Factor.
Aside from the fact I'm not keen on karaoke competitions, or programmes where we have to vote, I find the whole crowd-baiting thing a bit grating.
But I hate not knowing what's going on. I like to be slightly informed, without investing the time in the actual show. I've discovered that the best way to watch X Factor is on Twitter and Facebook.
With such valuable insight as "WTF??!!!" (Gadget Show's Ortis Deley), "The REAL scandal is - how did Jamie not end up in the bottom two?" (Heat's Boyd Hilton) and "I suspect there will be a lot of people who've gone far with little talent up in arms about Jedward who've er gone far with little talent" (Starsailor's James Walsh), I don't need to watch the show, or even read the Sun the day after.
And this is just the celebrity tweetage. On Facebook, friends are saying similar things. One "is amused that the public is outraged that they were given the chance to decide. not exactly embracing democracy are they?", another said "I never thought those silly twins could possibly win me £300. LOL". Political commentary meets Bet365.com.
Frankly, any programme on ITV immediately incurs an air of cynicism. In fact I can't remember the last thing I watched on ITV that wasn't football. I am baffled though by how seriously people take this show.The prize appears to be the chance to spend a year recording Westlife covers, a year pretending to be a serious artist, followed by either a touring production of Joseph, Eurovision, or Dancing on Ice. Unless you are extremely lucky, anyway.
But a testament to the seriousness was presented to me on "Inside Out", presented from Reading recently. As part of a piece with camp financial advisor Alvin Hall, a lady is belting out "The sun will come out tomorrow" with her kids. Turns out she was in X Factor last year but missed out after Boot Camp (? seems a bit harsh, they are only singers after all, and she didn't look the build for assault courses and canoeing on oil drums), but had clearly seen the cameras on Broad Street and seen an opportunity to try again. These people just can't let go. Seems being on X Factor is the ambition for everyone, regardless of talent.
So while these folks participate and vote in numbers far greater than any politician could dream of, my family quietly ignores the inane goings on.
Not least because, thanks to the internet, my friends are watching X factor so that I don't have to.
Aside from the fact I'm not keen on karaoke competitions, or programmes where we have to vote, I find the whole crowd-baiting thing a bit grating.
But I hate not knowing what's going on. I like to be slightly informed, without investing the time in the actual show. I've discovered that the best way to watch X Factor is on Twitter and Facebook.
With such valuable insight as "WTF??!!!" (Gadget Show's Ortis Deley), "The REAL scandal is - how did Jamie not end up in the bottom two?" (Heat's Boyd Hilton) and "I suspect there will be a lot of people who've gone far with little talent up in arms about Jedward who've er gone far with little talent" (Starsailor's James Walsh), I don't need to watch the show, or even read the Sun the day after.
And this is just the celebrity tweetage. On Facebook, friends are saying similar things. One "is amused that the public is outraged that they were given the chance to decide. not exactly embracing democracy are they?", another said "I never thought those silly twins could possibly win me £300. LOL". Political commentary meets Bet365.com.
Frankly, any programme on ITV immediately incurs an air of cynicism. In fact I can't remember the last thing I watched on ITV that wasn't football. I am baffled though by how seriously people take this show.The prize appears to be the chance to spend a year recording Westlife covers, a year pretending to be a serious artist, followed by either a touring production of Joseph, Eurovision, or Dancing on Ice. Unless you are extremely lucky, anyway.
But a testament to the seriousness was presented to me on "Inside Out", presented from Reading recently. As part of a piece with camp financial advisor Alvin Hall, a lady is belting out "The sun will come out tomorrow" with her kids. Turns out she was in X Factor last year but missed out after Boot Camp (? seems a bit harsh, they are only singers after all, and she didn't look the build for assault courses and canoeing on oil drums), but had clearly seen the cameras on Broad Street and seen an opportunity to try again. These people just can't let go. Seems being on X Factor is the ambition for everyone, regardless of talent.
So while these folks participate and vote in numbers far greater than any politician could dream of, my family quietly ignores the inane goings on.
Not least because, thanks to the internet, my friends are watching X factor so that I don't have to.
Thursday 22 October 2009
Glad my dad's got a UK passport these days...
Lummy. After a couple of weeks of talking about such enjoyment as Sci-Fi geekery and Devonshire Audio Nirvana, I'm drawn to the latest banality to be heaved all over the news like some bile-ridden result of travel sickness.
On the same day that a report estimated that 6.2 million people in Ethiopia are on the verge of starving (imagine London with no food), the big story is that a fat Londoner is appearing on a TV programme.
For those of us lucky to live in a world of free speech, the idea that there are people who might say unpleasant things is a bit of a dilemna. Such types are forever within our community, and probably always will remain. The bit I can't get my head around is why banning them would be a good idea? It's not up to the BBC to decide anyway. Give them the airtime, let them demonstrate themselves as the numpties they are, and move on.
Politicians are spending far too much of their time (and our money) trying to tell us why we shouldn't vote for the others. With expenses scandals, sleaze and economic meltdown fresh in the memory, it's no wonder people turn to the fringe parties. Instead of saying that the BNP (sorry I said it) got 6.2% of the votes in the Euro elections, let's be reminded that 97.5% of the electorate didn't vote for them.
So their leader, Nick Griffin, is to be given star status on BBC's Question Time today. I think the BBC could learn a thing or two from Vince McMahon on this front. Picture the scene: David Dimbleby asks a benign question of Jack Straw. Then.. suddenly the lights go out, and the bell tolls... Bong..... In walks Paul Bearer with the flag of St George, behind him Nick Griffin. Jerry Lawlor on colour commentary shouts "my goodness Jim, I don't believe it, I don't believe it. It's him!". etc.
Maybe that's just me.
On the other hand, maybe we should actively avoid asking any questions about his extreme views on immigration, and grill him on other matters; what his views are on the postal strike, why his party is against the EU, yet he is a member of its parliament, does he like Aleesha. Somehow I can't picture him giving the eloquent answers the learned QT audience might be used to.
At a Mark Thomas gig some months ago, the audience was asked to create new policies that Mark would try and follow through. Our choice was that "all BNP members should be forced to trace their lineage and publish the results." I'm sooo hoping someone asks that tonight.
On the same day that a report estimated that 6.2 million people in Ethiopia are on the verge of starving (imagine London with no food), the big story is that a fat Londoner is appearing on a TV programme.
For those of us lucky to live in a world of free speech, the idea that there are people who might say unpleasant things is a bit of a dilemna. Such types are forever within our community, and probably always will remain. The bit I can't get my head around is why banning them would be a good idea? It's not up to the BBC to decide anyway. Give them the airtime, let them demonstrate themselves as the numpties they are, and move on.
Politicians are spending far too much of their time (and our money) trying to tell us why we shouldn't vote for the others. With expenses scandals, sleaze and economic meltdown fresh in the memory, it's no wonder people turn to the fringe parties. Instead of saying that the BNP (sorry I said it) got 6.2% of the votes in the Euro elections, let's be reminded that 97.5% of the electorate didn't vote for them.
So their leader, Nick Griffin, is to be given star status on BBC's Question Time today. I think the BBC could learn a thing or two from Vince McMahon on this front. Picture the scene: David Dimbleby asks a benign question of Jack Straw. Then.. suddenly the lights go out, and the bell tolls... Bong..... In walks Paul Bearer with the flag of St George, behind him Nick Griffin. Jerry Lawlor on colour commentary shouts "my goodness Jim, I don't believe it, I don't believe it. It's him!". etc.
Maybe that's just me.
On the other hand, maybe we should actively avoid asking any questions about his extreme views on immigration, and grill him on other matters; what his views are on the postal strike, why his party is against the EU, yet he is a member of its parliament, does he like Aleesha. Somehow I can't picture him giving the eloquent answers the learned QT audience might be used to.
At a Mark Thomas gig some months ago, the audience was asked to create new policies that Mark would try and follow through. Our choice was that "all BNP members should be forced to trace their lineage and publish the results." I'm sooo hoping someone asks that tonight.
Tuesday 13 October 2009
Music Review - Ellie Williams - "Unseen"
Some people are born lucky, others have luck forced upon them. On this occasion I am in the latter camp. I was lucky today to attend an exclusive first play of the debut album by Ellie Williams, entitled "Unseen" released by Sellaband.
There will be few in the music community (outside Devon, perhaps) who know the name Ellie Williams. But that is all about to change, for this unknown singer-songwriter has created a debut album full of such passion and intensity, that it will be impossible to ignore.
The opening line "all of what we know is what we're sold and everything is not as it was told", sets the tone for the album, produced by music legend Tony Platt (AC/DC, Bob Marley, Iron Maiden). This is an album of aching, hurting, breaking and mending, and Ellie's voice is as haunting as it is enchanting. "You light up every corner, Firefly" hints at the hope amongst the hurt, the light at the end of the tunnel.
And it's been quite a tunnel. Ellie's songs hint at the dashed hopes of a music career that nearly never was, and it's thanks to hundreds of new friends and fans at Sellaband that this album has finally been made. After raising the funds to create the album in 2008, it was many months before Ellie was finally able to release her debut album to her Believers on Sellaband on October 13th.Ellie has put her heart and soul into this album, and nowhere is this clearer than at the beginning of "Mend", "It's funny how it stings my eyes". Each line is delivered with the single aim of not so much tugging the heart strings as reaching inside and shaking them.
Title track "Unseen" is atmospheric, almost desolate to begin with. "Reaching out, and I'm hoping I can catch you" is sung above the most gorgeous piano arrangement, and the gentle synth bubbles behind the bewitching harmonies, and that's before you've reached the epic climax about four minutes in. Music at its most heart-stopping.
But Ellie is no slit-your-wrists doom-monger. She does like a bit of Country, and Bubble causes you to sway, raise your glass and say "if you just call me, I will be there."
And then there is Fin's Song. Fans of Ellie's, myself included, first heard a demo of this in early 2008, and it was the main reason Ellie was able to find so many backers for her album. Those concerned that such a beautifully simple song would be over-produced should not worry, as Tony Platt has turned a piano-voice demo into an understated masterpiece.
It almost seems unfair to have to put any track after Fin's Song, but "No Lies" chooses to take up the challenge, with a bit of country while you gaze out of the window.
The opening of "You and Me," "Only you and me could make it work with 50p and a chocolate bar" is a line that could come from my other favourite band of the moment, Zoey Van Goey. A completely unexpected lyrical tangent, but as Ellie tells me "Only you and me could make it work... Still I'm thinking how lucky we are."
The short titles on the album serve to describe the song and the mood, and there is a balance between "Unseen", "Broken", "Mend" and "Found", but the highlight for me is track 10 - "Lay".
I could write at length about the pitch perfect vocals, the lilting strings in the back, the effortless pauses, the aching lyrics. But I won't, because whatever description I give will not do it justice.
In a sense, the closing track, "Don't Give Up On Me" is unlucky. How do you follow perfection? But the message is clear, you come away from this album feeling good, that no matter how life might get you down, no matter what misfortune you may suffer along the way, those who have faith in you will guide you through.
Unseen is available from Amazon from the 26th October 2009, on pre-order from www.elliewilliams.co.uk and Sellaband.
Sunday 11 October 2009
Dimension Jump XV
OK, I've been through the happy stage, now I'm in the melancholy stage.
My name is Andy and I am a smeghead. Not easy to admit that out loud, but I have spent the weekend in the company of some hardcore Red Dwarf fans, so now is as good time so say it as it'll ever be.
So my brother and I attended Dimension Jump this weekend in Birmingham, celebrating 21 years since the launch of Red Dwarf on the BBC. Having been avid fans since childhood, and having infuriated family members by dropping scripts into normal conversation, it was quite weird, yet reassuring, to be surrounded by folk who go through the same bonkers routine as we do.
The latest episodes, Back To Earth, gave UKTV channel Dave its highest viewing figures of all time, and gave a classic show a whole new audience. Although this was the fifteenth convention, the vast majority were attending for the first time, and the news was that the whole main cast would be attending.
For the well-initiated, there are a few givens about the cast members:
1. Danny John Jules will be late
2. Craig Charles will swear like an angry Gordon Ramsey
3. Hattie Hayridge will always be there in time of a crisis.
After an opening pub quiz hosted by Hattie and karaoke on Friday night, the excitement built on Saturday morning. Robert Llewellyn and Chris Barrie would be in the house, chatting on stage, answering questions and signing autographs. Then in the afternoon we'd meet the effects boys, guest actor Richard O'Callaghan, and be able to take part in the Red Dwarf Olympics.
All was going well until the message went out that Robert was running a bit late. Followed a little later by the news that he was still a way away. A long way away. A long long way away. Sorry. Oh, and so was Chris.
So not a great start, but as per (3) above, we were very pleased to welcome Hattie back to the stage. Always appearing to count her lucky stars she was involved, she recounted the time she was accused of soliciting Norman Lovett outside a lapdancing club, and the time she got off a speeding fine because she had two Listers in the back of her car. We love Hattie.
Then we were treated to an impromptu Q+A from one time fan, now Associate Producer, Andrew Ellard , who talked eloquently about his experience on the show, oh and happened to mention that Dave have commissioned scripts for a new series to be released next year. This brought the house down, particularly as it had been at Doug Naylor's request that the fan club found out before the press. It was a privilege to be there to hear that, and I hope the team can deliver over the next 12 months.
After lunch, Robert and Chris finally appeared, having spent far too long on the M6 for anyone's liking. Taking questions like a pro, Chris gave us a bit of Kenneth Williams, Brittas, Tony Blair and all the cast, whilst politely apologising for not being able to recall the script to Son of Cliche. Robert then chatted about his various projects, including Scrapheap, Carpool, Making Do and Twitter. As they went to sign autographs at 1545, little did they know that their day was only just starting.
Back in the main hall, fans were playing pool with planets, testing their luck virus levels with over the shoulder darts, and playing miniature golf. No room for Junior Angler this year then.
Unbelievably it was another 5 hours before this correspondent form the rearguard of the signing session. Ironic really as I had nothing for them to sign, but I thought they deserved a congratulations for a feat of human patience. Robert commented on how patient we all were, but the feeling was mutual. Poor Richard O'Callaghan must've wondered what on earth he had let himself in for.
With the signing session over and the schedule completely shot to ribbons, we were treated to the Fancy Dress competition. Some extremely young kids in penguin costumes, some grown ups who really should know better, the largest Winnie The Pooh I've ever seen, and some extremely dedicated and authentic designs were on display, with my particular favourite being the third place traffic cone. The FX team took to the stage to talk about some of their favourite work, including Doctor Who and Raging Planet, before Richard finally came to the stage to take his spot, pleased presumably to see daylight again.
Sadly that's all I could stay for that night, but no worry we thought. It's Danny tomorrow, so there's no rush. Gutted we were to find ourselves arriving half way through Danny on stage, following a hasty timetable change. We heard about his love of Sammy Davis Jr, the fine work he does with the Willow Foundation, before his daughter joined him on stage for a sing song (she's no more than 2, I'd say). Chloe Annett joined him soon after and talked about her time with the "filthy" boys, as well as how she was nearly on Casualty. Hasn't everyone been on Casualty already?
Naturally, the star billing was given to Craig Charles. A natural stand up, Craig captivates audiences with his enthusiasm for music, poetry, robots and comedy. Except he'd come straight from a gig in Manchester and hadn't really recovered yet... We were even treated to the voicemail left for Danny asking for directions to the venue, signing off with "I love you man". Bless.
A cup of tea, a pint of water and (crucially I think) a lager later, and he was away, strolling through the crowd taking questions, chatting to the ladeez, before finally wearing a full on leather jacket worn by one of the fancy dress competition winners. Very, very rude, extremely funny, still totally passionate about his time with the Boys from the Dwarf.
After lunch, the now predictable very very long line for signatures appeared. So long that some cast members couldn't stay for everyone. After that came the raffle, fabulous prizes (I think my luck was in on the over the shoulder darts), and the chance to bid for some awesome memorabilia.
Sadly it was over too soon, and who knows when the next one might be, or who might be there. If the show does return next year, and the Red Dwarf fans get any say, then it will be shot in front of a live audience, and will star Hattie Hayridge as Holly. Let's hope that the scripts are good, the money is there, and the enthusiasm remains.
And now, dear friends, I return to the outdoors... It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere....
edited - thanks to @ellardent for spotting the typo - that's why he's a script editor you know...
My name is Andy and I am a smeghead. Not easy to admit that out loud, but I have spent the weekend in the company of some hardcore Red Dwarf fans, so now is as good time so say it as it'll ever be.
So my brother and I attended Dimension Jump this weekend in Birmingham, celebrating 21 years since the launch of Red Dwarf on the BBC. Having been avid fans since childhood, and having infuriated family members by dropping scripts into normal conversation, it was quite weird, yet reassuring, to be surrounded by folk who go through the same bonkers routine as we do.
The latest episodes, Back To Earth, gave UKTV channel Dave its highest viewing figures of all time, and gave a classic show a whole new audience. Although this was the fifteenth convention, the vast majority were attending for the first time, and the news was that the whole main cast would be attending.
For the well-initiated, there are a few givens about the cast members:
1. Danny John Jules will be late
2. Craig Charles will swear like an angry Gordon Ramsey
3. Hattie Hayridge will always be there in time of a crisis.
After an opening pub quiz hosted by Hattie and karaoke on Friday night, the excitement built on Saturday morning. Robert Llewellyn and Chris Barrie would be in the house, chatting on stage, answering questions and signing autographs. Then in the afternoon we'd meet the effects boys, guest actor Richard O'Callaghan, and be able to take part in the Red Dwarf Olympics.
All was going well until the message went out that Robert was running a bit late. Followed a little later by the news that he was still a way away. A long way away. A long long way away. Sorry. Oh, and so was Chris.
So not a great start, but as per (3) above, we were very pleased to welcome Hattie back to the stage. Always appearing to count her lucky stars she was involved, she recounted the time she was accused of soliciting Norman Lovett outside a lapdancing club, and the time she got off a speeding fine because she had two Listers in the back of her car. We love Hattie.
Then we were treated to an impromptu Q+A from one time fan, now Associate Producer, Andrew Ellard , who talked eloquently about his experience on the show, oh and happened to mention that Dave have commissioned scripts for a new series to be released next year. This brought the house down, particularly as it had been at Doug Naylor's request that the fan club found out before the press. It was a privilege to be there to hear that, and I hope the team can deliver over the next 12 months.
After lunch, Robert and Chris finally appeared, having spent far too long on the M6 for anyone's liking. Taking questions like a pro, Chris gave us a bit of Kenneth Williams, Brittas, Tony Blair and all the cast, whilst politely apologising for not being able to recall the script to Son of Cliche. Robert then chatted about his various projects, including Scrapheap, Carpool, Making Do and Twitter. As they went to sign autographs at 1545, little did they know that their day was only just starting.
Back in the main hall, fans were playing pool with planets, testing their luck virus levels with over the shoulder darts, and playing miniature golf. No room for Junior Angler this year then.
Unbelievably it was another 5 hours before this correspondent form the rearguard of the signing session. Ironic really as I had nothing for them to sign, but I thought they deserved a congratulations for a feat of human patience. Robert commented on how patient we all were, but the feeling was mutual. Poor Richard O'Callaghan must've wondered what on earth he had let himself in for.
With the signing session over and the schedule completely shot to ribbons, we were treated to the Fancy Dress competition. Some extremely young kids in penguin costumes, some grown ups who really should know better, the largest Winnie The Pooh I've ever seen, and some extremely dedicated and authentic designs were on display, with my particular favourite being the third place traffic cone. The FX team took to the stage to talk about some of their favourite work, including Doctor Who and Raging Planet, before Richard finally came to the stage to take his spot, pleased presumably to see daylight again.
Sadly that's all I could stay for that night, but no worry we thought. It's Danny tomorrow, so there's no rush. Gutted we were to find ourselves arriving half way through Danny on stage, following a hasty timetable change. We heard about his love of Sammy Davis Jr, the fine work he does with the Willow Foundation, before his daughter joined him on stage for a sing song (she's no more than 2, I'd say). Chloe Annett joined him soon after and talked about her time with the "filthy" boys, as well as how she was nearly on Casualty. Hasn't everyone been on Casualty already?
Naturally, the star billing was given to Craig Charles. A natural stand up, Craig captivates audiences with his enthusiasm for music, poetry, robots and comedy. Except he'd come straight from a gig in Manchester and hadn't really recovered yet... We were even treated to the voicemail left for Danny asking for directions to the venue, signing off with "I love you man". Bless.
A cup of tea, a pint of water and (crucially I think) a lager later, and he was away, strolling through the crowd taking questions, chatting to the ladeez, before finally wearing a full on leather jacket worn by one of the fancy dress competition winners. Very, very rude, extremely funny, still totally passionate about his time with the Boys from the Dwarf.
After lunch, the now predictable very very long line for signatures appeared. So long that some cast members couldn't stay for everyone. After that came the raffle, fabulous prizes (I think my luck was in on the over the shoulder darts), and the chance to bid for some awesome memorabilia.
Sadly it was over too soon, and who knows when the next one might be, or who might be there. If the show does return next year, and the Red Dwarf fans get any say, then it will be shot in front of a live audience, and will star Hattie Hayridge as Holly. Let's hope that the scripts are good, the money is there, and the enthusiasm remains.
And now, dear friends, I return to the outdoors... It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere....
edited - thanks to @ellardent for spotting the typo - that's why he's a script editor you know...
Monday 5 October 2009
Everything Starts With An E Number
Every so often there is a story that strikes fear into the heart of every man alive. A story where you thank your lucky stars you weren't there.
Here is today's. Passengers witnessed a punch up between the pilot and cabin crew on an intercontinental flight.
I'd say there are quite a few things you don't want to see when you're on a plane. Smoke is the main one for me. Oxygen masks is another. But a punch up at the controls has just become a new entry at number three for me.
Oh, and here is today's No Shit headline from the ever busy scientific community. Turns out that lots of sweets can make you violent.
This report amuses because it stresses that the presence of sweets is more significant than location, education or upbringing. It studies 10 year olds and their convictions by the age of 34, but let's just remind ourselves of the radioactive crap that went into sweets 20 years ago. We were all bloody hyper on orange Chewits and blue Smarties back then; it's no wonder our brains are buggered now.
Also, reading behind the headline, a deeper theory is that rewarding bad behaviour with sweets and chocolate might cause further bad behaviour.
But what does the headline "Daily sweets "linked to violence" say to you? Enough for the Food And Drink Federation to get on their high horse. "This is either utter nonsense or a very bad April Fool's Day joke". Could be. Haven't we learnt anything from the past?
Don't believe everything you read.
Take everything in moderation.
And don't eat sweets as a child, if you want to be a pilot when you grow up.
Here is today's. Passengers witnessed a punch up between the pilot and cabin crew on an intercontinental flight.
I'd say there are quite a few things you don't want to see when you're on a plane. Smoke is the main one for me. Oxygen masks is another. But a punch up at the controls has just become a new entry at number three for me.
Oh, and here is today's No Shit headline from the ever busy scientific community. Turns out that lots of sweets can make you violent.
This report amuses because it stresses that the presence of sweets is more significant than location, education or upbringing. It studies 10 year olds and their convictions by the age of 34, but let's just remind ourselves of the radioactive crap that went into sweets 20 years ago. We were all bloody hyper on orange Chewits and blue Smarties back then; it's no wonder our brains are buggered now.
Also, reading behind the headline, a deeper theory is that rewarding bad behaviour with sweets and chocolate might cause further bad behaviour.
But what does the headline "Daily sweets "linked to violence" say to you? Enough for the Food And Drink Federation to get on their high horse. "This is either utter nonsense or a very bad April Fool's Day joke". Could be. Haven't we learnt anything from the past?
Don't believe everything you read.
Take everything in moderation.
And don't eat sweets as a child, if you want to be a pilot when you grow up.
Tuesday 15 September 2009
One Of Those Rivers
Well, let's see. What's on the agenda this week?
Aside from removing huge amounts of detritus from our house, the main mission has been remembering to get up early in the morning. Luckily junior is helping by waking up even earlier than normal, thus removing the need for an alarm thus far.
So what nonsense has the world of science given us today? Oh, look. Showers might be bad for your health. It would seem that bacteria builds up in shower heads, and the rise in lung conditions is because fewer people are having baths.
I'm sorry, but this is madness. No one ever died from taking their toaster into the shower, did they? And if baths are so healthy, what about the fact that all the bacteria that you've just washed off gets swilled around and just ends up somewhere else?
In other news, Matt's cartoon in the Telegraph is a telling little indictment of the world that is being created around us. As is this. I'm not entirely sure at what point everyone suddenly lost the "innocent until proven guilty" tag. I know this is because of the Ian Huntly case, and it is admirable that we should want to avoid such tragedy ever happening again.
But if these kinds of people are going to carry out these kinds of acts, then they will find ways of avoiding the system, that's how they operate. Ian Huntly worked as a caretaker because he knew he was under the radar. Likewise priests, scoutmasters, music teachers. If you are now extending this to the parent who takes the kids football practice, where will it end? "No I'm sorry, Mrs Jones, little Johnny can't come to school today. It seems my friend hasn't had her checks done yet, so can't take anyone else's kids in." Ridiculous.
The other problem is that all these processes and checks are carried out by people. Humans are flawed. They forget stuff. They skim-read, miss tick-boxes, and assume that someone else is dealing with it. The blame culture that we've been saddled with means that no one wants to be to blame, yet everyone needs to blame someone.
Right. Off my Soapbox now. Enjoy the below.
Aside from removing huge amounts of detritus from our house, the main mission has been remembering to get up early in the morning. Luckily junior is helping by waking up even earlier than normal, thus removing the need for an alarm thus far.
So what nonsense has the world of science given us today? Oh, look. Showers might be bad for your health. It would seem that bacteria builds up in shower heads, and the rise in lung conditions is because fewer people are having baths.
I'm sorry, but this is madness. No one ever died from taking their toaster into the shower, did they? And if baths are so healthy, what about the fact that all the bacteria that you've just washed off gets swilled around and just ends up somewhere else?
In other news, Matt's cartoon in the Telegraph is a telling little indictment of the world that is being created around us. As is this. I'm not entirely sure at what point everyone suddenly lost the "innocent until proven guilty" tag. I know this is because of the Ian Huntly case, and it is admirable that we should want to avoid such tragedy ever happening again.
But if these kinds of people are going to carry out these kinds of acts, then they will find ways of avoiding the system, that's how they operate. Ian Huntly worked as a caretaker because he knew he was under the radar. Likewise priests, scoutmasters, music teachers. If you are now extending this to the parent who takes the kids football practice, where will it end? "No I'm sorry, Mrs Jones, little Johnny can't come to school today. It seems my friend hasn't had her checks done yet, so can't take anyone else's kids in." Ridiculous.
The other problem is that all these processes and checks are carried out by people. Humans are flawed. They forget stuff. They skim-read, miss tick-boxes, and assume that someone else is dealing with it. The blame culture that we've been saddled with means that no one wants to be to blame, yet everyone needs to blame someone.
Right. Off my Soapbox now. Enjoy the below.
Wednesday 2 September 2009
And Times Goes By So Slowly
The question is not "what should I do with my time?", but "why am I spending my time doing this?" At least it is today.
While my house is being redone following a small flood, my daughter is preparing for her first day of school. I, meanwhile, am sitting listening to a presentation about Learning and Development. Oh if only...
It's not been a bad week, you can't complain when you've only got four days work in a week, but everything seems to be coming to a head this week. After 6 months of being homeless, we finally get our house back this weekend. It cannot be overstated how traumatic the whole thing has been; the insurance loss adjusters let things delay so long that we had to trash the entire downstairs. A downstairs that we had recently redecorated.
After living in hotels and cottages and houses, we are just three days away, and I'm stuck at work!
In other news, I read that they are describing Chloe Madeley as a TV personality? Is this the daughter of Richard Madeley? If so, since when did being the offspring of a TV personality automatically make you one yourself?
I'm also pleased to read that the outage at Gmail was due to an engineer error. So next time I break something at work, I'll just say "Well, y'know put it into context, at least I didn't break the world's third largest web-email service."
While my house is being redone following a small flood, my daughter is preparing for her first day of school. I, meanwhile, am sitting listening to a presentation about Learning and Development. Oh if only...
It's not been a bad week, you can't complain when you've only got four days work in a week, but everything seems to be coming to a head this week. After 6 months of being homeless, we finally get our house back this weekend. It cannot be overstated how traumatic the whole thing has been; the insurance loss adjusters let things delay so long that we had to trash the entire downstairs. A downstairs that we had recently redecorated.
After living in hotels and cottages and houses, we are just three days away, and I'm stuck at work!
In other news, I read that they are describing Chloe Madeley as a TV personality? Is this the daughter of Richard Madeley? If so, since when did being the offspring of a TV personality automatically make you one yourself?
I'm also pleased to read that the outage at Gmail was due to an engineer error. So next time I break something at work, I'll just say "Well, y'know put it into context, at least I didn't break the world's third largest web-email service."
Wednesday 5 August 2009
And The Bands Played On
I used to think I was a mornings person. Pretty good at getting up at the crack of dawn, getting into work bang on 7 O'clock. But that was when I was getting up at 0600. After 3 days of getting up at 0520, I've decided that I'm not a mornings person and please can I have my lie-ins back?
Thankfully the internet is a wonderful distraction, and the 11 hours a day I'm currently spending at work are effortlessly floated on a cloud of music.
I spend a lot of time on The Sixtyone. This is a music website, with a sort of game element to it. You login, and you are given a number of hearts. You then listen to music on the site, and if you like the track, you give it a heart. The more hearts the song gets, the higher the profile, until it hits the home page. In return, you get reputation points, which amass and get you further hearts.
Now, admittedly, like any free music webpage, there is an awful lot of dross on thesixtyone. And because you only get so many hearts each day, you are encouraged to listen to these tracks in return for more hearts.
So I'm currently listening to Atmosphere. I don't like it. But I feel compelled to listen so I can show some love to tracks that I do like.
This is in stark contrast to last.fm, where everything is far more commercial, far more marketed, and as such far duller.
The sixtyone is like walking into an independent record store and being able to listen to anything you like. And I can't turn it off.
Thankfully the internet is a wonderful distraction, and the 11 hours a day I'm currently spending at work are effortlessly floated on a cloud of music.
I spend a lot of time on The Sixtyone. This is a music website, with a sort of game element to it. You login, and you are given a number of hearts. You then listen to music on the site, and if you like the track, you give it a heart. The more hearts the song gets, the higher the profile, until it hits the home page. In return, you get reputation points, which amass and get you further hearts.
Now, admittedly, like any free music webpage, there is an awful lot of dross on thesixtyone. And because you only get so many hearts each day, you are encouraged to listen to these tracks in return for more hearts.
So I'm currently listening to Atmosphere. I don't like it. But I feel compelled to listen so I can show some love to tracks that I do like.
This is in stark contrast to last.fm, where everything is far more commercial, far more marketed, and as such far duller.
The sixtyone is like walking into an independent record store and being able to listen to anything you like. And I can't turn it off.
Friday 31 July 2009
Corporate Chaos
So a gentle week being introduced to working in London is over, and what have I learnt? Well, for one, I catch flies when I'm asleep on the train. For another, it's significantly less stressful getting to work when you get the train.
I don't have to worry abour peak times, so I always get a seat, plus I haven't had to get up before 0730 this week, unless woken by the human alarm clock that is my daughter.
Lookin forward to a 52 hour week next week. At least that gives me 17 hours overtime, which should pay for all the Double Deckers I've been eating in the meantime.
It's been a fun week, I've walked across Hyde Park four times, met a lot of nice people and not broken anything. And yet in all the time I've been in London I haven't seen a single cashpoint. No wonder we are in a recession. As one of the also-rans in Mock The Week said last night "I have a limited understanding of economics, but it's got a lot to do with consumer spending. And maybe we've all just realised that wev'e got enough stuff already, and we don't need any more."
Makes me wonder how my client is going to get on selling its stuff to people who think they've got enough stuff already.
I don't have to worry abour peak times, so I always get a seat, plus I haven't had to get up before 0730 this week, unless woken by the human alarm clock that is my daughter.
Lookin forward to a 52 hour week next week. At least that gives me 17 hours overtime, which should pay for all the Double Deckers I've been eating in the meantime.
It's been a fun week, I've walked across Hyde Park four times, met a lot of nice people and not broken anything. And yet in all the time I've been in London I haven't seen a single cashpoint. No wonder we are in a recession. As one of the also-rans in Mock The Week said last night "I have a limited understanding of economics, but it's got a lot to do with consumer spending. And maybe we've all just realised that wev'e got enough stuff already, and we don't need any more."
Makes me wonder how my client is going to get on selling its stuff to people who think they've got enough stuff already.
Tuesday 28 July 2009
Think Bike, Think Tosser
One of my favourite Clarksonian rants is how, if his kids ever buy a motorcycle, he will burn it. And if they go and buy another one, he will burn that one too.
I have a real issue with bikers. It's not their attitude towards cars, nor is it their ability to weave through the carnage of the M5 on the first week of the summer holidays. It's their prominence in all the road safety campaigns you ever see.
"Think Safe, Think Bike" is the one you see on the motorways.
"Beware of Bikers in Your Blindspot" screams sign after sign on the road out of Newton Abbott towards Torquay.
The one off the telly where the car pulls out and the biker drives straight into him.
Why the hell are we being constantly reminded to look out for bikers? Where are the signs telling bikers not to be imbeciles?
"Bikers - stop undertaking in heavy traffic"
"Bikers - you won't get hit by a car overtaking if you stay in line"
"Bikers - stop driving like tossers"
I was reminded of this by an interview with Richard Hammond by Simon Mayo at Christmas, where the one rule is "Don't drive like a cretin". Speed doesn't kill, driving like an idiot kills. And almost every single biker I've ever seen drives like an idiot.
I have a real issue with bikers. It's not their attitude towards cars, nor is it their ability to weave through the carnage of the M5 on the first week of the summer holidays. It's their prominence in all the road safety campaigns you ever see.
"Think Safe, Think Bike" is the one you see on the motorways.
"Beware of Bikers in Your Blindspot" screams sign after sign on the road out of Newton Abbott towards Torquay.
The one off the telly where the car pulls out and the biker drives straight into him.
Why the hell are we being constantly reminded to look out for bikers? Where are the signs telling bikers not to be imbeciles?
"Bikers - stop undertaking in heavy traffic"
"Bikers - you won't get hit by a car overtaking if you stay in line"
"Bikers - stop driving like tossers"
I was reminded of this by an interview with Richard Hammond by Simon Mayo at Christmas, where the one rule is "Don't drive like a cretin". Speed doesn't kill, driving like an idiot kills. And almost every single biker I've ever seen drives like an idiot.
Wednesday 22 July 2009
The Price Of Bacon
Now, I’m as much of a fan of knee jerk reactionist journalism as everyone else, but even I am foaming at the mouth at the latest round of gibberish that Fleet Street (and the BBC) have been churning out.
In amongst the stories of Michael Jackson’s love-children, Jordan’s imploding breasts and The Ashes, the biggest story has been swine flu.
GP and child with swine flu die, screamed the headline on 13th July 2009. We’re all going to hell in a pigskin handbag, and Fergus Walsh is on hand to tell us all about it.
His “measured blog” contained one update called “Time for concern, not panic” and another called “What are the chances of dying from swine flu?”
Turns out that neither the GP nor the child died directly of swine flu, but this information is strangely lacking from the subsequent blogs. The general consensus is that if you’re already poorly, contracting swine flu is pretty bad news. But that’s nothing compared to the advice if you’re pregnant.
The advice that suddenly appeared everywhere was that pregnant women should not go out in big crowds, as they might contract swine flu. They might just as well have advised them not to step out into roads, because there might be cars coming. In the end, shock horror, the advice was to use common sense.
To quote Bill Hicks “You are free to do as we tell you”.
In amongst the stories of Michael Jackson’s love-children, Jordan’s imploding breasts and The Ashes, the biggest story has been swine flu.
GP and child with swine flu die, screamed the headline on 13th July 2009. We’re all going to hell in a pigskin handbag, and Fergus Walsh is on hand to tell us all about it.
His “measured blog” contained one update called “Time for concern, not panic” and another called “What are the chances of dying from swine flu?”
Turns out that neither the GP nor the child died directly of swine flu, but this information is strangely lacking from the subsequent blogs. The general consensus is that if you’re already poorly, contracting swine flu is pretty bad news. But that’s nothing compared to the advice if you’re pregnant.
The advice that suddenly appeared everywhere was that pregnant women should not go out in big crowds, as they might contract swine flu. They might just as well have advised them not to step out into roads, because there might be cars coming. In the end, shock horror, the advice was to use common sense.
To quote Bill Hicks “You are free to do as we tell you”.
Tuesday 21 July 2009
London Loves The Misery Of A Speeding Heart
The two days I've spent in London have been reasonably pleasant. Lots of glass and lifts, and a stone's throw from the station. All good.
An enjoyable weekend spending money and watching golf on TV. But the golf annoyed me; more specifically the BBC annoyed me. Having spent 3 and a half days blithering on about a 59 year old who was somehow better than golfers half his age, they suddenly had a realisation that he wasn't going to win. And rather than give credit where it is due, they went into mourning that Tom Watson didn't win.
Well I'm sorry but the rules are the same regardless of your age. Just because you're coming up to bus pass age, doesn't give you special privileges, and at the end of the day the best player won.
Gary Lineker stated that the whole thing had become an anti-climax. Well whose fault is that? Be impartial in your opinion and there will never be an anti-climax.
Meanwhile the cricket came to an epic climax, in that peculiar English way, on a Monday. Another example of media-hyped nonsense, where a step towards victory is billed as the Second Coming, and a step back is as though we have descended into the fires of Hades. But at least the English team won for once, leading to my wife to say "but I don't understand, they've played twice, but it's only 1-0" and "they haven't won The Ashes though have they?" which was a fair question, given the schtick George Aligayah was giving it.
Anyway, this is still a great photo.
An enjoyable weekend spending money and watching golf on TV. But the golf annoyed me; more specifically the BBC annoyed me. Having spent 3 and a half days blithering on about a 59 year old who was somehow better than golfers half his age, they suddenly had a realisation that he wasn't going to win. And rather than give credit where it is due, they went into mourning that Tom Watson didn't win.
Well I'm sorry but the rules are the same regardless of your age. Just because you're coming up to bus pass age, doesn't give you special privileges, and at the end of the day the best player won.
Gary Lineker stated that the whole thing had become an anti-climax. Well whose fault is that? Be impartial in your opinion and there will never be an anti-climax.
Meanwhile the cricket came to an epic climax, in that peculiar English way, on a Monday. Another example of media-hyped nonsense, where a step towards victory is billed as the Second Coming, and a step back is as though we have descended into the fires of Hades. But at least the English team won for once, leading to my wife to say "but I don't understand, they've played twice, but it's only 1-0" and "they haven't won The Ashes though have they?" which was a fair question, given the schtick George Aligayah was giving it.
Anyway, this is still a great photo.
Friday 17 July 2009
The Friday Feeling
You'd expect that Friday would bring joy and jubilation to the average working man. A day away from two days of bliss, without work, or early mornings, or stress.
Well aside from the fact that I only suffer from one of the three, this isn't a great Friday. One look out of the window is testament to that.
I have my posh Sennheiser earphones in my ears today. I'm not even listening to anything at the moment, but it's all I can do to drown out the booming thunderstorm outside.
Only a few weeks after the government told us what to do in a heatwave, we are hours away from Huw Edwards telling us about a rural town that used to be near a river, now becoming a rural town in the middle of a river.
We are constantly being ridiculed for not being able to cope in any weather conditions, but this is because we are stuck in an area where the weather conditions are never predictable. In six months we have had temperatures in the 30s, 2 inches of rain in a day, and 3 feet of snow.
It's no wonder we struggle, and no wonder we complain.
"The government is not doing enough to help rural towns cope with the lack of rain/too much rain/snow/ice".
"When we bought this house by the river, we were told this river never floods."
In other news, I read that kid's authors are boycotting schools because they don't want to be subject to the same child protection regulations as everyone else. I'm not entirely sure why they have such a problem with this; everyone else who goes within 10 yards of a school has to go through this ridiculous routine, so I don't see why Phillip Pullman should be any different.
This scheme costs £64. I think he can afford it. And besides, it's only applicable if they spend a lot of time with the same children.
Having said that, if he's in a school by a river today, he might find himself spending the weekend with them, waiting for Farmer Giles in his tractor to turn up.
Well aside from the fact that I only suffer from one of the three, this isn't a great Friday. One look out of the window is testament to that.
I have my posh Sennheiser earphones in my ears today. I'm not even listening to anything at the moment, but it's all I can do to drown out the booming thunderstorm outside.
Only a few weeks after the government told us what to do in a heatwave, we are hours away from Huw Edwards telling us about a rural town that used to be near a river, now becoming a rural town in the middle of a river.
We are constantly being ridiculed for not being able to cope in any weather conditions, but this is because we are stuck in an area where the weather conditions are never predictable. In six months we have had temperatures in the 30s, 2 inches of rain in a day, and 3 feet of snow.
It's no wonder we struggle, and no wonder we complain.
"The government is not doing enough to help rural towns cope with the lack of rain/too much rain/snow/ice".
"When we bought this house by the river, we were told this river never floods."
In other news, I read that kid's authors are boycotting schools because they don't want to be subject to the same child protection regulations as everyone else. I'm not entirely sure why they have such a problem with this; everyone else who goes within 10 yards of a school has to go through this ridiculous routine, so I don't see why Phillip Pullman should be any different.
This scheme costs £64. I think he can afford it. And besides, it's only applicable if they spend a lot of time with the same children.
Having said that, if he's in a school by a river today, he might find himself spending the weekend with them, waiting for Farmer Giles in his tractor to turn up.
Thursday 16 July 2009
Write Something, Anything
On a day like today, there is no other choice than to write. Write something, anything, to take my mind off the boredom that is professional life.
While people around me drink coffee, eat pastries, and talk nonsense about things I will never understand, I sit perched on a stool, waiting for the phone to ring.
This is the life I lead for eight hours a day. While those around me work for corporate recognition, discussing the share price, market share; I just hope something breaks so I can go fix it. The call I’m waiting for won’t be from anyone particularly important, nor will its content be of a life-saving nature, but it will be the most important thing in the world. Briefly.
It’s been a slow day, not least because the entire network in my office has gone down. It’s now been over three hours since I arrived at work, and so far I’ve not been able to access the internet. It’s no wonder I’ve succumbed to drivelling self-indulgence.
Oooh, a phone call. Exciting, but brief. I thought for a minute I might have to get out of my chair, but sadly not.
God, some of these people are fat. I mean properly fat. I often wonder how people reach that point. There’s a bloke just walked passed who is the spitting image of Mike McShane. With a slab of millionaire’s shortbread in his hand. I saw a report on BBC that said that obese mothers are more likely to produce obese daughters, and likewise fathers and sons.
Three words sprang to mind, the third of which was “Sherlock.”
If pubs are allowed to stop selling alcohol to people who are too drunk, why can’t supermarkets do something similar with “stomachally challenged” people? “I’m sorry madam, but you are too overweight to buy any Goodfellas pizzas”.
I think the reason why I’ve started writing this is because my daughter, who’s four, asks me every day “what did you do at work today?” and I really don’t have anything to say to her. In fact, my answers have become so mundane, that’s she’s stopped asking recently, and I don’t want to live like that. Question is: what to do instead? I can’t be a builder because I am rubbish at DIY. I have trouble assembling furniture from Homebase, let alone Ikea. I think I’ve left it a bit late in the day to be a doctor.
I suppose I could sit here and eat junk food all day. At least I’d fit in better.
While people around me drink coffee, eat pastries, and talk nonsense about things I will never understand, I sit perched on a stool, waiting for the phone to ring.
This is the life I lead for eight hours a day. While those around me work for corporate recognition, discussing the share price, market share; I just hope something breaks so I can go fix it. The call I’m waiting for won’t be from anyone particularly important, nor will its content be of a life-saving nature, but it will be the most important thing in the world. Briefly.
It’s been a slow day, not least because the entire network in my office has gone down. It’s now been over three hours since I arrived at work, and so far I’ve not been able to access the internet. It’s no wonder I’ve succumbed to drivelling self-indulgence.
Oooh, a phone call. Exciting, but brief. I thought for a minute I might have to get out of my chair, but sadly not.
God, some of these people are fat. I mean properly fat. I often wonder how people reach that point. There’s a bloke just walked passed who is the spitting image of Mike McShane. With a slab of millionaire’s shortbread in his hand. I saw a report on BBC that said that obese mothers are more likely to produce obese daughters, and likewise fathers and sons.
Three words sprang to mind, the third of which was “Sherlock.”
If pubs are allowed to stop selling alcohol to people who are too drunk, why can’t supermarkets do something similar with “stomachally challenged” people? “I’m sorry madam, but you are too overweight to buy any Goodfellas pizzas”.
I think the reason why I’ve started writing this is because my daughter, who’s four, asks me every day “what did you do at work today?” and I really don’t have anything to say to her. In fact, my answers have become so mundane, that’s she’s stopped asking recently, and I don’t want to live like that. Question is: what to do instead? I can’t be a builder because I am rubbish at DIY. I have trouble assembling furniture from Homebase, let alone Ikea. I think I’ve left it a bit late in the day to be a doctor.
I suppose I could sit here and eat junk food all day. At least I’d fit in better.
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